Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
