In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
