so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
