all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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