well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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