So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
