i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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