No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
