i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
