The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
