I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
