i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
