Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
