First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
