YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
