2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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