well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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