Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
