He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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