Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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