There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
