I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
