Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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