You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
