OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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