I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
