You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
