Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
