we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
