UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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