i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
