i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
