just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
