We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize