my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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