It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
