if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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