Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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