garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
