She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
