somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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