it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
