found the other keg... it's in the tree
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
