OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
