I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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