booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We had to coat check the pizza.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
