First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Randomize
