I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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