i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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