did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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