OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Randomize
