some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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