I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
