so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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