I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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