Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
