I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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