First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
