i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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