yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
