So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize