btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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