I think I am morally bankrupt
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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