I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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