stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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