How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
