I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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