the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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