Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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