Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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