My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
