I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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