My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
