Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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